White House Declines Petition To Build A Death Star

The White House has formally responded to a petition for the construction of a Death Star, politely declining on the grounds that construction of such a space station would cost $850 quadrillion.

In a statement titled "This isn't the petition response you're looking for," the US government has outlined several reasons why building a Death Star will not be beneficial for America.  Primarily, the price of $850,000,000,000,000,000 goes against efforts to reduce the country's deficit.  

Besides that, the administration "does not support blowing up planets," and in their own words, "why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?"  You'd hope they would use the power of intergalactic hindsight to avoid the architectural mistake of a thermal exhaust port leading directly to the reactor system; but they don't want to take that chance.

While some of you may find the lack of faith in an American Death Star disturbing, at least you've got a life size Millennium Falcon to look forward to.

Source: The White House