Facebook is better than sex.
We love it when social sciences do their best to make wild conclusions. A 'scientific' study by sociological journal Cosmopolitan says 20 per cent of women prefer Facebook over sex.
We've unanimously agreed that maybe this number sounds a tad low. Sex has always been about communication between two (or more, depending on how lucky you are) people to push the biological sensibilities to orgasm. The best times are never just the messing-around bit, it's the self affirmation, the aftermath and the conquest. If you were arguing before, that doesn't matter for anything anymore.
Facebook sexes you up better in this respect. It takes all the self confidence boosts you get from sex and cans it into a neat little package of pride. The Timeline is there to be proud of yourself and history: a digital area of self-indulgence that was made perfect by you for years. Enjoy your history, embrace the now, simply affirm yourself as a better person after doing it. It's all you want out of the birds and the bees without the awkward break-up, erectile dysfunction or disappointing performances from the other party.
It's life, exactly as you want it. It's the bits you remember most about sex; but without the hassle of sex. Whereas intercourse has the potential to ruin friendships, lives, inconveniently creates children, fills your life with regret, requires set up, the right mood and is beyond complicated at times, Facebook removes that. It eliminates all the convolution that is required for the self-gratification of semantically smashing someone's back doors in. Females: it's that perfect orgasm that you've always wanted. Males: it's that egotistical sensation you always dreamed about without the worry of not performing up to standard.
One issue: as we turn into sexual unics through the power of Facebook, it'll become much more difficult to maintain personal relationships, even the occasional snaking for a one-nighter on FB is in danger. It's a troubling time where we may just be the last generation, turning to a bunch of self-indugent saps that won't require the attention of another person in the face of the self-contained ego trip that is social networking. But on the other hand, that's pretty awesome!
